Tuesday, October 25, 2005

A fundamental difference.

Lately I have been somewhere in the silence drifting and waiting to hear somebody say they know I have a 'silent voice' and are listening. I feel paralyzed, and this sound I cannot make is stiffling me. I cannot get out of myself and the strength of these thoughts which engulf my entire soul are strangling me, into a silence between you Troy and I.

Within my centre I`m contorted and cannot say exactly what it is that overtakes me in this deafening silence, but I know I`m very sad and hurt by the past and cannot fully forgive you or myself for that matter. It may seem that we are back on track because we are having sex like we need it to survive- and it`s all so invigorating, but the intimacy isn`t there any more. I`ts killing me quietly. One thing I`m realizing is there exists a fundamental difference between us in matters of emotion.