Saturday, October 01, 2005


We are the same and I don`t think you even know it Troy. We are both afraid and we try not to show it and I`m sure you are tired and so am I. So there`s only one thing you and I can do and that is to hold eachother.

Tell me what you need, dont be afraid to express it all to me. You must already know that I`ll never leave you although it must seem at times from my distant presence that I do want to. Just hold on to me like you are doing when we apart...I still feel together. I still believe in a thing called forever.

We are drifting apart...this is true and all the fragments of my life the pieces of my soul are falling and driven towards you...definately with you. In my dreams we drive away where no one can find us and leave all those dark days behind us. It`s always you.. never can be any one else. I`m sorry you feel differently when I didn`t argue my point like I usually do and appeared to go along with your suggestion . I was feeling pain my self from the destruction and poison such a suggestion would do to our union. I was only human, and had my own personal problem with it too.

I know I often lead in our union and appear as the 'tougher' one at times somewhat cool and heartless, totally level headed about situations happening around us , but this thing between us has caused me to feel what I probably knew all along would injure me inside. Conflict to such a point it`s causing us to become distant which I can`t say I`ve ever felt with you before. The expressed inability to kiss you is some thing buried deep within my psyche. I don`t believe I have lost my will but at times I do question it. I think I have built a wall of sound around me hearing only what my thoughts are and although im sure you know I love you, do I still have the will ?