more about me

Although my marital life is some what in shambles I have never ever felt an emotional connection to any other man. I dont think I ever will.My heart will always be with him... no matter what.Despite the fact that he has slept around with other women... I still adore him.

Infact I have only slept with one other man since we decided on this direction, that fateful night. It was some thing that I did out of immense pain and anger more than any thing else. After wards I felt empty, ashamed and some what vulnerable to a man whom I`d known for some time, but only as friend. It felt rather awkward to maintain that friendship once that line had been crossed. It was just too much to handle being with a friend in that way..I just couldnt face him ever again. It was my descision to part ways...never really asked what his emotions and feelings were..dont even want to know.

I keep going round and round In my head asking : If I`d been with a stranger would it have been different ? I`ll never know...because I`ve decided that I wont visit that part of me ever again. Tried it once, and it wasn`t enjoyable or positive for me..and the place it took me definately wasn`t heaven !

To tell you the truth I`ve been living my own private hell since that encounter which was about 11 months ago...I just cant get it out of my head. It sits there like lead, especially in the wee hours of the morning.