Release
As the seasons change and time moves on I remain caught In this trap of not allowing you the freedom to leave.If i release you from these walls within me, will I be in better shape or will I completely fall to pieces not having you near me in the form of 'thought'? Would amnesia be a good thing? I often ask for a pill which eradicates memory..however I'm not so sure that is the answer...I'm not at peace and never will be until I can reach the ultimate end to this realm as i know it.
I need to tell my self to stop picking up the pieces to a dream that was and has long forever gone.My world needs to be offered out to you...yet Its too difficult to unchain my self from the safe walls of the confined hell and the toxicity of foul stench I breathe....peeling back the layers makes for good drinking fluid right about now ....The things I have wanted the most in this life were given to me and taken ...so I deal with this playground of regret amongst other poisons and things burn right beneath my skin....A part of me is dead...
I need to tell my self to stop picking up the pieces to a dream that was and has long forever gone.My world needs to be offered out to you...yet Its too difficult to unchain my self from the safe walls of the confined hell and the toxicity of foul stench I breathe....peeling back the layers makes for good drinking fluid right about now ....The things I have wanted the most in this life were given to me and taken ...so I deal with this playground of regret amongst other poisons and things burn right beneath my skin....A part of me is dead...
posted by consise10 @ 11:20 PM
3 Comments:
At Sunday, July 01, 2007 4:36:00 PM,
Autumn Storm said…
D, as always your writing cuts, to read your pain laid bare makes me ache for your sadness. We've spoken at length, though in short installments, here and via email, and just recently I find myself at a loss to find anything new to say. I'm making that clear, because I feel bad about it, that one comment fades into the next as I firstly admire, always and honestly, the skill that you have and secondly hope to offer some kind of confirmation that at the end of this tunnel of hell, there is light.
Just recently also, I've seen more of a belief of this in your writing, more hope that this will not last forever, albeit you express simultaneously that it will be too hard, or is, at this time, to get to the other side.
There is safety in pain, you know where you are with it, it feels good in as much as it is comfortable, whereas a future without it, becomes a future unknown. Understand me correctly, when I say that whatever we have been through in life, there is always someone who has been through worse, people who have survived, not meant in the literal sense as such, but in as much as having come through it to a place where they can breathe easy, smile and be jolly so to speak. Understand, and I know you do, that I do not make light in any way of your pain by stating this fact, I just want you to remember that no matter how bad you feel, there can come a time where you will be able to let go. What was has gone, but that does not rule out that a sense of peace and happiness are up ahead for you. You are a wonderful person, D, and you deserve to know those again.
At Thursday, July 05, 2007 12:04:00 PM,
consise10 said…
Autumn,I cannot adequately reply,but do want to acknowledge the time you always take to read and respond in the best manner you can here to this blog.I have said before in direct to reply to some of your comments that these words are born quite quickly and almost in urgency as they scream out crying to be heard,to be told.
Thankyou for the time and thought you put into your responses,I am heartwarmed.
At Saturday, July 07, 2007 9:40:00 AM,
Autumn Storm said…
I know, D, that these are written in moments and one moment is not the same as the next. But to read them is to sit with you for a while, there, to listen.
PS Apologies, reply to the email coming up, promise.
xo
Happy weekend. :-)
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