From Ten thousand Miles Away

You shut your eyes and laid back on the pillows, placing your folded hands on your stomach.

I loved you and studied all the details of your face in the dim light of the Egyptian restaurant. I saw your nicely curled eyelashes and curly hair that once prompted someone to say that you reminded them of Pete Sampras, and I remembered your embarrasment at this.

Your hair was swept up off your face with the curls nicely placed,and I`ve often seen you do this and I like it. I like your face. I agree with a friend of mine who said that your eyes twinkle. They do ! When you smile, they twinkle and crease and sparkle. You have a warm loving way with your eyes.

But tonight, I was too afraid to look into them and it was breaking me up inside.
I wondered what you were thinking about, laying back there with those eyes closed. I wondered if you were just trying to escape from your surroundings, from the tipsy laughter and conversational cliches that were being formed between people. Perhaps you were thinking about all the others...
Perhaps you were just tired.

Memories floating In my mind..of a few times I talked to you, they hit me now.
Your coy, shy, eye ducking and smiling the night I sat next to you at the club.
That was the night I began to fall in love with you and I couldn`t believe what I was doing. At first, I just sat next to you because, I was suffering from jealousy and self pity as there had been someone else.

I`m sorry, for in a way I used you but you don`t and probably won`t even know. You gave me a lift home that night on your bike and I loved it. The speed and the feeling and your being there.

You don`t undersatnd why I love you. Well, I don`t understand why I love you.Why does anyone love anyone? We just need to love and be loved, and you loved me. You may be suprised to hear that, but you did love me.

I was depressed and you tried to comfort me. Felt lonely, and you shared it with me. You smiled at me and talked to me and listened between the lines to the words I spoke.

You didn`t love me passionately. Just with a gentle touch. You gave me a small part of yourself- that is love.

But I made the mistake of trying to force you to give me more. Force you to give me more of yourself to me by putting you on the spot for an unnatural, unspontaneous love which would not have been real. I realize and regret that mistake now. But I learnt from it and for that I`m thankful.

Upon your return tonight, I watched you as I ached inside, I longed to be near you.....

But instead, I could only watch you, you who loved me, from ten thousand miles away.