A fundamental difference.
Lately I have been somewhere in the silence drifting and waiting to hear somebody say they know I have a 'silent voice' and are listening. I feel paralyzed, and this sound I cannot make is stiffling me. I cannot get out of myself and the strength of these thoughts which engulf my entire soul are strangling me, into a silence between you Troy and I.
Within my centre I`m contorted and cannot say exactly what it is that overtakes me in this deafening silence, but I know I`m very sad and hurt by the past and cannot fully forgive you or myself for that matter. It may seem that we are back on track because we are having sex like we need it to survive- and it`s all so invigorating, but the intimacy isn`t there any more. I`ts killing me quietly. One thing I`m realizing is there exists a fundamental difference between us in matters of emotion.
Within my centre I`m contorted and cannot say exactly what it is that overtakes me in this deafening silence, but I know I`m very sad and hurt by the past and cannot fully forgive you or myself for that matter. It may seem that we are back on track because we are having sex like we need it to survive- and it`s all so invigorating, but the intimacy isn`t there any more. I`ts killing me quietly. One thing I`m realizing is there exists a fundamental difference between us in matters of emotion.
posted by consise10 @ 11:53 PM
9 Comments:
At Tuesday, October 25, 2005 3:31:00 AM,
Fred said…
I hope it all works out.
At Thursday, October 27, 2005 8:22:00 PM,
consise10 said…
Colleen. The way you`ve said it all here has definately got me nodding my head and smiling. Especially at your point about men and women being mentally geared differently.
With my personal situation unlike you ,I have never told him in words how I truily feel, so I guess his perception of our 'lovemaking'is that we are all fine. With regard to my most intimate thoughts as broadcast here on this medium I have mentioned that I have been some what unable to 'kiss' him. I see that as one huge stigma in not allowing me to let go of my anger at which is stiffling my inner voice, thus creating negativity and a lack of ability to let go and forgive him completely.
Your comments about intimacy in general are probably true and yes ofcourse we as mums need to teach our sons to be more sensitive to females. The 'conspiracy project' theory of yours was hilarious and got me laughing aloud in complete agreeance.
Colleen, I cannot express how grateful I am to you sharing a little bit of yourself here and relating it to my thoughts expressed in this public medium.
Thankyou :}
Tomlawyer,thanks for being honest here and giving your view from a male perspective.Intimacy ought to be the easiest thing between two willing partners who agree,not cumbersome and requiring huge effort. Thanks again for reading and participating in my blog :}
Tenderheart.Thankyou for visiting and showing a continued interest in my thoughts :}
Hello Fred. Thanks for dropping by. :}
At Friday, October 28, 2005 1:14:00 AM,
Nic said…
consise.. big hugs... I wish I could offer a bit of insight on how to deal with this situation, but when It comes to relationship, Im the last person to comment. But you have my support, and you have a heart of gold and I know you are strong. Life will be kind and sort it out for you soon, I know it.
Nic xxxx
At Friday, October 28, 2005 11:54:00 PM,
consise10 said…
Rubin you are so right and im all wet as you can see from the negativity of my thoughts here. Thanks for visisting and offering a comment Rubin :}
Thanks alot for your very kind words Nic. I am really touched by your participation and interest in my thoughts. Thanks for dropping by and commenting :}
At Friday, November 04, 2005 12:38:00 PM,
Butik said…
having sex does not really guarantee anything so I hope it will mislead one of the partners...I also hope you will find your voice soon
At Friday, November 04, 2005 9:59:00 PM,
consise10 said…
Tenderheart. I have just been and read it and want to thank you so much for writing it. So much of it has caused shivers in my veins. Parts of it are so accurately true of what im feeling and succinctly written.
Butik, not exactly sure what you mean by 'misleading one of the partners' but I thank you for visiting and yes, I hope I find my voice soon, but I can`t see it happening very quickly to be honest with you.
Hey you know I appreciate your imput and comments on my blog Butik ;}
At Sunday, November 06, 2005 11:33:00 AM,
peemil said…
Those lucky enough to have love should treasure it for the sake of those who don't.
From what I've read you do love your husband.
A ship only drifts because someone unberthed it.
At Monday, November 07, 2005 5:55:00 AM,
Thoughts said…
Per your comment on my blog, yes I am real.
Not really sure what yo uwere going for but what the hey.....
Seeing a comment, any comment is heartening, someone actually read what was written.
I've book marked yours and will soon, hopefully, have time to read some of your previous posts.
Thoughts
At Monday, November 07, 2005 10:49:00 PM,
consise10 said…
Hey Peemil,quite accurate in your comments. Thanks for dropping in and participating :}
Unhappy thinker,I am totally fascinated by your blog.I happened to stumble accross it just by chance, and I`m so glad I did. Thankyou for dropping by here and leaving your link.
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