Tuesday, October 25, 2005

A fundamental difference.

Lately I have been somewhere in the silence drifting and waiting to hear somebody say they know I have a 'silent voice' and are listening. I feel paralyzed, and this sound I cannot make is stiffling me. I cannot get out of myself and the strength of these thoughts which engulf my entire soul are strangling me, into a silence between you Troy and I.

Within my centre I`m contorted and cannot say exactly what it is that overtakes me in this deafening silence, but I know I`m very sad and hurt by the past and cannot fully forgive you or myself for that matter. It may seem that we are back on track because we are having sex like we need it to survive- and it`s all so invigorating, but the intimacy isn`t there any more. I`ts killing me quietly. One thing I`m realizing is there exists a fundamental difference between us in matters of emotion.


  • At Tuesday, October 25, 2005 3:31:00 AM, Blogger Fred said…

    I hope it all works out.

  • At Tuesday, October 25, 2005 12:03:00 PM, Blogger Colleen Vesperman said…

    Hello Consise10,

    Not to give Troy an excuse or anything, but I truly believe that most men and women are hardwired differently than us women.

    I believe that there are some aspects about us women that most men will just never understand about us emotionally. Hell, it seems like alot of the time we women seem to be like dogs chasing our own tails in trying to figure out our emotions!

    My husband doesn't seem to realize that it is more important it is for me to be intimate emotionally in the bed, yet he too putes the over emphasis on the physical aspect of it. He has told me that the physical part is his way of being emotional with me. I have told him over and over about how important the non physical part of lovemaking is, but most of the time he breezes over that part.

    Maybe we women are part of a conspiracy project for men. A long , long time ago men decided to make-up all the excuses for why they can't get emotionally intimate with us. They placed all this "research" into books because they knew we women would read and believe it and in reality it's to cover up their laziness for meeting us halfway because they are lazy. And we all know how time and energy consuming emotional intimacy can be!

    I don't know, it's like the old saying,"You can't live with them and you can't live without them." Well, in essence you can live without them but it's hard and painful to separate ourselves from our current "life partners."

    Then again, maybe it's too late for the current generation of men to behave any different than they do now. Maybe the key is to try to shape and expose our male children to different elements than the previous generations of men, so that they might grow-up differently and more sensitive for the tomorrow's generation of women!

    Maybe it's too late for us women today, but not to shape tomorrow's men. "The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world."

    Hang in there Consise, it's said that men usually mellow over time and maybe that means they also get more in tune with us too. I'm still waiting too!

    Just know that you are not alone and for what it's worth I'm here to share in your pain as well as your celebrations!

    Your friend,



  • At Tuesday, October 25, 2005 2:15:00 PM, Blogger Tenderheart said…

    (((((Consise)))))..stay strong, hon.

  • At Thursday, October 27, 2005 12:14:00 AM, Blogger mamalujo1 said…

    Colleen has some very good insights. As a man, I struggle with what my second head demands and how that conflicts with intimacy and emotional fulfillment. I will say that I believe men have as much capacity for emotional intimacy as women, but we will ignore it or want physical satisfaction first. It may be laziness, but it's also cultural, social, and all kinds of other reasons. I'll echo Colleen as well that I don't know either. I hope I'm mellowing, aging, to where the physical is becoming less demanding and the emotional is getting more of the focus. I know for sure that everything is better when the partners are on the same page. The partner must enjoy intimacy because of what it does for the other person, not what it does for himself. Good luck.

  • At Thursday, October 27, 2005 8:22:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Colleen. The way you`ve said it all here has definately got me nodding my head and smiling. Especially at your point about men and women being mentally geared differently.

    With my personal situation unlike you ,I have never told him in words how I truily feel, so I guess his perception of our 'lovemaking'is that we are all fine. With regard to my most intimate thoughts as broadcast here on this medium I have mentioned that I have been some what unable to 'kiss' him. I see that as one huge stigma in not allowing me to let go of my anger at which is stiffling my inner voice, thus creating negativity and a lack of ability to let go and forgive him completely.

    Your comments about intimacy in general are probably true and yes ofcourse we as mums need to teach our sons to be more sensitive to females. The 'conspiracy project' theory of yours was hilarious and got me laughing aloud in complete agreeance.

    Colleen, I cannot express how grateful I am to you sharing a little bit of yourself here and relating it to my thoughts expressed in this public medium.

    Thankyou :}

    Tomlawyer,thanks for being honest here and giving your view from a male perspective.Intimacy ought to be the easiest thing between two willing partners who agree,not cumbersome and requiring huge effort. Thanks again for reading and participating in my blog :}

    Tenderheart.Thankyou for visiting and showing a continued interest in my thoughts :}

    Hello Fred. Thanks for dropping by. :}

  • At Friday, October 28, 2005 1:14:00 AM, Blogger Nic said…

    consise.. big hugs... I wish I could offer a bit of insight on how to deal with this situation, but when It comes to relationship, Im the last person to comment. But you have my support, and you have a heart of gold and I know you are strong. Life will be kind and sort it out for you soon, I know it.
    Nic xxxx

  • At Friday, October 28, 2005 4:23:00 AM, Blogger Filming_U said…

    Hi I hope everything works our. Life is made up of tough situations and they confuse you. But you must walk though the rain to find sunshine...

  • At Friday, October 28, 2005 11:54:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Rubin you are so right and im all wet as you can see from the negativity of my thoughts here. Thanks for visisting and offering a comment Rubin :}

    Thanks alot for your very kind words Nic. I am really touched by your participation and interest in my thoughts. Thanks for dropping by and commenting :}

  • At Friday, November 04, 2005 2:50:00 AM, Blogger Tenderheart said…

    Consise, I left you something special on my blog. I hope you read it :)

  • At Friday, November 04, 2005 12:38:00 PM, Blogger Butik said…

    having sex does not really guarantee anything so I hope it will mislead one of the partners...I also hope you will find your voice soon

  • At Friday, November 04, 2005 9:59:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Tenderheart. I have just been and read it and want to thank you so much for writing it. So much of it has caused shivers in my veins. Parts of it are so accurately true of what im feeling and succinctly written.

    Butik, not exactly sure what you mean by 'misleading one of the partners' but I thank you for visiting and yes, I hope I find my voice soon, but I can`t see it happening very quickly to be honest with you.

    Hey you know I appreciate your imput and comments on my blog Butik ;}

  • At Sunday, November 06, 2005 11:33:00 AM, Blogger peemil said…

    Those lucky enough to have love should treasure it for the sake of those who don't.

    From what I've read you do love your husband.

    A ship only drifts because someone unberthed it.

  • At Monday, November 07, 2005 5:55:00 AM, Blogger Thoughts said…

    Per your comment on my blog, yes I am real.

    Not really sure what yo uwere going for but what the hey.....

    Seeing a comment, any comment is heartening, someone actually read what was written.

    I've book marked yours and will soon, hopefully, have time to read some of your previous posts.


  • At Monday, November 07, 2005 10:49:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Hey Peemil,quite accurate in your comments. Thanks for dropping in and participating :}

    Unhappy thinker,I am totally fascinated by your blog.I happened to stumble accross it just by chance, and I`m so glad I did. Thankyou for dropping by here and leaving your link.


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