FEELINGS

Sunday, May 28, 2006

A Caper of Darkness

Is it possible
to take hold

of the past
and toss it
far away
for the
blowing winds
to take
into a storm
where it then
becomes broken
in jaggered
illegible pieces?

Distorted
to anyone who
who may look
It becomes irrelevant.

Will the wounds
then seal?
Will new skin

eventually
cover the scars
with flesh
depositing itself
over these incisions?


Once the
cold comes
around like
it usually
does and the
fear sets in
I know
I shall become
pale and
turn white
then shrink
back to pain
with the
old flesh

and once
again perhaps
even uglier
than before

become visible
and where

old sores
I thought
had diminished
to a nothing
resurface
to the nakedness
of all my

vital organs

Once that
is exposed
I am right
back where
I began
in the pit
doing things
which make me
numb and unforgiving
of myself

and the
fractured ways
I have

been living
and all

under this
caper of darkness.

18 Comments:

  • At Monday, May 29, 2006 7:47:00 PM, Blogger Jeanne said…

    This is not a metaphore:
    Locked away in a cabinet are all the poems I wrote many years ago. I have not been able to find the key. I found a key recently which I think may be the right one, but the house where the cabinet is is far from here and I won't be there until summer. If I manage to unlock the cabinet and retrieve the poetry I will send some of it to you. The one I am thinking of now started with:

    I fly through this deserted city on bat wings.....(something I've forgotten)....

    This is my home.
    This is where you left me.

    The person I wrote this for caused me more pain than I thought I could survive. But as it turns out, he was not "the one". So pain is not a measure of truth (even if one could believe it at the time).

    No one can answer your question for you (or even really know what the question is) but yourself. I really wish I could.

     
  • At Monday, May 29, 2006 9:37:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Pain is definately not a complete truth,however it can leave a lasting effect upon one and dictate
    a host of other emotions.
    Jeanne,I would feel priveliged to read whatever you find and are willing to share,stashed away
    in that locked cabinet many miles from where you are.Thankyou for reading and for your perspective.

     
  • At Tuesday, May 30, 2006 1:09:00 AM, Blogger Cie Cheesemeister said…

    I really like this one. I'm a great fan of dark poetry!

     
  • At Tuesday, May 30, 2006 1:47:00 AM, Blogger Autumn Storm said…

    It's not easy witnessing your pain, 'strangers' though we are, one person to another it makes little difference. Testament to how you are able to capture your feelings on the page, this poem though dark has hope stitched throughout. Beautiful writing.

    Hope you have a good week, take care, xo

     
  • At Tuesday, May 30, 2006 9:24:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Cheese,thanks mate!

    Autumn,I'm not always negative or dark in my everyday life(although this fucking blog may suggest otherwise!) Rather, when being this deeply introspective,every angle, every line I travel is like walking a razors edge.This arena is perfect as a creative outlet for such dominating thoughts.Also as I have observed YOU often say we are complex and have a million and one things about us which make us who we are.Thankyou for the positive spin in your comment...I appreciate it.

    Your sentiments,albeit annonymous, are warmly received down here Autumn and I too hope your week ahead is an exiting one

     
  • At Tuesday, May 30, 2006 10:28:00 PM, Blogger Minka said…

    That is my favourite. especially teh first stanza. At some point we all hoped that that was a possibility. But I feel that regardless of how hard we try to throw our past away...it somehow catche sup with us, and usually at an inconvenient moment.
    I have decided to take my oast as the thing that made me me, and I like who I am now, and therefore it is easier to accept my past.
    Just sayin´

     
  • At Tuesday, May 30, 2006 10:35:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Ahh Minka.That only works because you agree with who you are and aren't in hatred of yourself.I don't wish to sound like I am, but there is a sense of self loathing somewhere within my walls I just can't shake.Thanks for your perspective.

     
  • At Tuesday, May 30, 2006 11:07:00 PM, Blogger Minka said…

    Well, I hope that your big brown eyes will one day see teh amazing person you are:) Until then, I ´ll juts keep telling you!

     
  • At Thursday, June 01, 2006 3:03:00 AM, Blogger SuperP. said…

    Eventually the feeling subsides, but you cannot unremember that you once felt that way in the very first place.

    I enjoyed this.

     
  • At Thursday, June 01, 2006 8:36:00 AM, Blogger Tim Rice said…

    You know how to express contrasting, contradicting feelings. I, too, sometimes fight with contradicting feelings from both my past and present. In my life, I seek to concentrate on the positive. Sometimes, I fail miserably; but thankfully so far I've always managed to get back up again. But I think my faith in God helps me with that although I don't profess to be always happy with God.

     
  • At Thursday, June 01, 2006 12:56:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Penny,why hasn't anyone discovered a drug which can erase selective memory!

    Tim, some things just beg to be told and I thankyou for sharing a small part about yourself.

    Minka. Stop!

     
  • At Sunday, June 04, 2006 10:18:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    brilliant :) i really enjoyed reading this. you are a very gifted writer, consise. I always enjoy reading your posts, but you knew that... I hope you are doing well these days. i'm sure writing on here is therapeutic, or at least I hope it is.

     
  • At Sunday, June 04, 2006 9:35:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Thanks Greyor.You know what, It does help to express such thoughts and for my self it kind of becomes almost astonishing to see how my thinking 'pans out' and what Is ultimately revealed.

     
  • At Monday, June 05, 2006 2:02:00 AM, Blogger isay said…

    just dropping by to say thank you......

     
  • At Monday, June 05, 2006 2:03:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Isay,you are welcome...but what for ?

     
  • At Tuesday, June 06, 2006 4:51:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Hello Loz! Im not sure if the content of this blog serves as a 'port of help' to people,if it does then that is suprising.But I do thankyou for your comment and am glad to perhaps have had such an effect upon you- fellow aussie.
    You are very welcome,and thanks for dropping by and leaving your comment Loz ! (;-])

     
  • At Wednesday, June 07, 2006 10:39:00 AM, Blogger Fred said…

    Glad to see you're still at it. I'll have to read your old posts now that I'm back.

     
  • At Thursday, June 08, 2006 6:19:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Sure Fred,you are more than welcome.

     

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