FEELINGS

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Up

I recently resigned from my job. I no longer am 'repesentor of human bile' or 'pondscum' as one person put it.

I do have a few case loads I need to follow through until their next hurdle which I hope will be some time in Feb/March but after that is over I am a free woman. Free of the chains this job has on my mind. So stressful it`s been to have to deal with things,situations I essentially despise, and cannot condone. Although it was never my role to be judge, you had to be in a certain way, to find out the truth in the story with whom you were dealing. They don`t always tell you everything up front. Dealing mostly with adolescents is another thing all together. Generally speaking they are troubled and often because of factors of abuse in their history, makes their affliction towards the unlawful greater.

Of recent, I was not exactly able to adequately defend not so much the adolescents, but others who also came into my case loads. Mind you, I don`t think I was ever aware about having these feelings especially not at the onset of my career. It`s something that kind of grew on me, a type of dissent away from what I had learned and knew it took to play the role I grew to despise. My head will finally be free of the clutches and stresses of this aspect of my life.

I am planning an overseas trip maybe together with my beautiful boy and cannot wait. Although things seem bleak at times and life not worth all the pennies of financial freedom and luxury I have attained and share with him,I am coming to realise that It really means nothing. When you are dragged down by heavy existance and consumed with fear and hatred firstly for your self and extended even to your 'created blood' at the worse of moments what does material do to alter it ? In my crazier moments of delirium I feel quite guilty for blaming them both for existing and me not being able to escape to the other plain where I feel I belong. Although my hands do not not shake, In my quiet mind I am often erratic. When I`m speaking the truth I am overcome with an innate ability to twist words in ways which suit and often get me a desired response.That comes with the experience of my shitty existence and what I have been doing in my career all along. 'You are insane' Troy often tells me, and he is right.

Things are on the upward finally !

27 Comments:

  • At Tuesday, January 10, 2006 4:45:00 PM, Blogger Nic said…

    Good for you! How inspiring is that post.. Im so over the moon that things are looking up for you, and Im sure this is a start to something great for you and your family.

    You are shining at the moment, that smile upon your face is such a joy to see after a storm of sadness and tears!

    Nic xxx

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 5:26:00 AM, Anonymous Greyor said…

    material is fleeting and ephemeral. treasure the immaterial things, such as your relationships with your παῖδες, and perhaps work towards attaining ultimate ἀταραξία (ataraxia: freedom from care, that is, worry) and catharsis. you sound like you deserve a bit of time for yourself and your 'beautiful boy' (υἱός σός?), so do take that, since it seems as if it will be therapeutic. glad to hear things are improving at least slightly. :) 2006 will be a good year I'm sure.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 6:47:00 AM, Blogger charles blunt said…

    Well finally a new post . Glad to see you are more upbeat . Good way to start the new year . Good luck .

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 6:05:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Nic..thanks for your positivity...It always helps put a smile on my face. Not sure if im completely shining but a load certainly has been lifted. ;-}

    Hey thanks Charles! smiles here :-}

    Greyor, you are dead on right about 'ataraxia'...I am definately suffering from too much on my mind,rarely calm in that way, and although physical excercise helps it doesn`t take away the mental difficulty. I already feel a load has been lifted by resigning from my job. As for all the other things,'eimai avetoimi- hreazetai ora'.

    What was your question in the brackets? I couldn`t make it out completely.

    Thanks for interpreting the post so accurately greyor and for your feedback.

    Take Care.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 8:57:00 PM, Anonymous Greyor said…

    huios sos? = "your son?", your "created blood" you speak of a lot, hehe. again, your transliteration baffles me, lol... bloody modern Greek. glad to see you're writing still, i've missed your posts. keep it up dear.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 10:53:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Ohh Ok if that`s the case It should be written like this: 'O gios sou'. He and his siter are definately my better sides.
    The part that baffles you says:'I am not ready,time is needed ',and ah ha haaaa at the 'dear' comment.:-}

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 10:53:00 PM, Blogger Jeanne said…

    Hi.
    You left me a comment, so I came to see who you were.

    You wrote that your children keep you from another level. Can you be more explicit?

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 10:56:00 PM, Blogger Jeanne said…

    I mean, were you speaking of life/death, or something else?

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 11:16:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Hmm exactly as you said Jeanne.You have understood accurately. I meant that without them I probably would not exist.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 11:40:00 PM, Anonymous Greyor said…

    no, mr. pibb is infinitely more lovely than that. cf. here for more info. it's one of my favourite sodas of all time. it's the Coke equivalent of Dr. Pepper. and what's wrong with saying dear? :-P it's nothing demeaning or condescending, hehe.

     
  • At Wednesday, January 11, 2006 11:57:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Wow! Ok, so Mr Pibb is a soft drink. You live and learn don`t you.Thanks for clarifying that with the link.The 'dear' comment was not taken that way at all by me greyor...I just found it amusing ! :--)

     
  • At Thursday, January 12, 2006 5:00:00 PM, Blogger freesprited said…

    glad things are looking up for you.
    happy new year to you too.
    thanks for all your kind regards

     
  • At Thursday, January 12, 2006 5:01:00 PM, Blogger freesprited said…

    happy new year to you too.
    thanks for all your good wishes.
    am glad things are looking up for you.

     
  • At Thursday, January 12, 2006 5:18:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Freespirited, I`ll always have nice words for you both :-)

     
  • At Friday, January 13, 2006 1:16:00 AM, Blogger Sara said…

    Consise~

    I'm so heartened to see you taking your happiness into your hands. Sometimes we do just have to throw it down and walk away don't we?

    :)

    Enjoy that trip!

     
  • At Friday, January 13, 2006 1:56:00 PM, Blogger gary j. introne said…

    Brav-O for you. Nice going, and keeping it driving upwards.

    GI

     
  • At Friday, January 13, 2006 4:15:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Sara, Its easier said than done.It literally took me just over half a year to come to my decision,and then another three months to write the letter and then carried it for a month or so in my bag before deciding to hand it in. It was all I wanted once apon a time.Now the decision is final,I look forward to other new endeavours... from that perspective, it`s exciting.
    Thanks for dropping by. :-]

    Hello Gary, welcome to my space thanks for the comment :-)

     
  • At Friday, January 13, 2006 10:45:00 PM, Blogger ange said…

    Good to hear things are on the upside!!! May 2006 bring joy and happiness into your life.
    Im too making changes. It will be our year conscise.I can feel it!!!
    Keep me posted.Best wishes. xxoo

     
  • At Saturday, January 14, 2006 2:02:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    Thanks ange. At least one part of my life is finally on the up. Same to you,about the good wishes and all the best with your 'changes' mate. Thanks for dropping by :-}

     
  • At Monday, January 16, 2006 5:37:00 AM, Blogger Fred said…

    You sound like I did at the end of my corporate career. When I resigned and knew I wasn't ever going back, a huge weight was taken off my soulders. It's been great ever since.

     
  • At Monday, January 16, 2006 9:40:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    It sure is Fred! I read your 'corporate weenie' post and heard your recording.You sounded so serious and business like.No doubt when its completely over it will be like smelling the flowers right from scratch for the first time. I cannot wait! Thanks for dropping by Fred :-]

     
  • At Tuesday, January 17, 2006 8:47:00 AM, Blogger Lisa said…

    I am so happy you quit that toxic job! Yeay YOU! No amount of money is worth such a soul-crushing experience.

     
  • At Tuesday, January 17, 2006 10:08:00 AM, Blogger Minka said…

    My first time here. Love your post. Soemthign very upbeat about it. Fight the storm and find balance and peace in your being!

     
  • At Wednesday, January 18, 2006 11:03:00 AM, Blogger consise10 said…

    My God Lisa...that`s exactly how it had become with the recent occurance of 'adult' cases.I`m just so relieved. Thanks for dropping by :-)

    Monika please feel welcomed here again and thanks for your comment :-}

     
  • At Thursday, January 19, 2006 7:50:00 PM, Blogger LateralBuzz said…

    Hi,
    Happy New Year and best wishes. Thanks for all your comments...

    Cheers

     
  • At Sunday, January 22, 2006 2:57:00 PM, Blogger Colleen Vesperman said…

    Hello Consise.

    Happy New Year and I'm glad to see that it is off to an awesome beginning!

    I know that the rest of your life and family will now receive 110% of your devotion and you will feel much better and you will be better for them as well too.

    I felt a similar experience in reduction of stress when I walked away from my real estate career. I couldn't tolerate the ungrateful and sometimes downright rude prospective clients and customers that I had to deal with.

    It affected me adversely, put a strain on my family relationships because of the emotional toll it took on me, and wasted so much of my time that would have been better spent with my family.

    Anyways, there's my 2 cents in this positive change for you. I look forward to reading more of your upbeat life changing events that I predict will occur this year called 2006.

    For me, 2006 has also been better so far too. I don't want to say too much yet, because the year just began, but it of course has to do with my mother and the problems with my oldest daughter. There maybe a silver lining after all.

    Bye for now!
    :)

    Colleen Vesperman

     
  • At Sunday, January 22, 2006 10:15:00 PM, Blogger consise10 said…

    ;--}Thanks to you Lateral Buzz and I mean every word too.

    Colleen. It`s been such a breeze mentally speaking, since the final announcement.Im just sooo glad,and even though it did have it`s perks it was not no longer something I could do and put my whole self into.I began to feel like such a pretender,and it was taking It`s toll on me.

    I never knew you dabbled in the Real Estate world.Laughing at what you said.I read somewhere they are classed up there, as untrustworthy just like Car Salespeople and Lawyers!!! Ha ha ah

    Thank goodness we are out!!

    Good News about your Mum and daughter,I look forward to learning more.Thanks for dropping by Colleen :--)

     

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